Sponsored: Holiday smiles, hidden grief - Getting you (or your friend) through a summer separation

Sarah Moon is a Nelson-based lawyer and founder of Clean Break, the region’s only specialist relationship property law firm, supporting people at life’s transition points.

The holiday season is painted as joyful: bubbly, carols, family arriving from out of town. But if you are separating, the cheer can feel at odds with the reality of your world falling apart.

There is no single way to navigate a summer breakup, but there are things that can help you move through this season with more steadiness:

• Accept your emotions: You don’t have to plaster on cheer. Feeling sad, angry, or lonely is normal. Give yourself permission to feel what you feel.
• Prepare: If you’re going to an event, plan your response to questions. If asked where your ex is, you might reply: “We’ve gone our separate ways, but I’d love to enjoy today with everyone here.”
• Set boundaries: Protect your energy. Say no to draining events or people who don’t support you. You do not owe everyone your time.
• Stay connected: Balance boundaries with connection. Reach out to friends or family you trust. Volunteer or join community events. Isolation makes heartbreak heavier.
• Create new rituals: If old traditions are painful, start new ones. Celebrate on a different day, eat something new, or keep things simple. Small changes can create stability for years ahead.
• Look after your health: Sleep, movement, and balanced meals protect resilience. Watch alcohol intake, especially if you’re feeling fragile.
• Give yourself small joys: A quiet walk, a new book, a gift to yourself – little things remind you that you still matter.
• Plan ahead: Make arrangements in advance with friends, a lawyer, or a therapist. A plan reduces uncertainty and helps you feel more in control.

Looking after friends and family going through separation

If someone you love is separating this summer, you can play a part in helping them get through:

• Check in gently: A simple “I’m thinking of you” can mean more than you realise.
• Include them: Don’t assume they won’t want to come. Extend invitations without pressure, so they have options.
• Listen, don’t fix: People usually need to be heard, not handed solutions. Only offer advice if asked.
• Avoid judgement: Every breakup is complex. Resist the urge to take sides or criticize.
• Offer practical help: A meal, childcare, or just company can lift a huge weight. Be precise: instead of “I’m here for whatever you need”, say “I can come round Saturday afternoon for [insert help].”
• Respect boundaries: If they decline an invitation, need space, or don’t want to talk, accept this gracefully.
• Encourage support: Suggest professional help if you see them struggling to cope.

Your steady presence may be one of the most valuable gifts they receive this holiday season.

You are healing

There is no perfect way to navigate a summer breakup. Some days will feel heavy, and others will surprise you with moments of peace. Let yourself take both as they come. Healing rarely happens all at once, but it does happen.